Princess

So I got up around 2 a.m. to work on my taxes and wandered into the living/work room. 

Sitting in the middle of Missy's dog bed was not on Alaskan Malamute but a huge, bug-eyed frog.  It just sat there staring at me very calmly. 

Of course I freaked out.  Panic mode! Someone has turned my princess into a frog!

Ran outside and whew!  There she was, sleeping under the moon, my sweet Missy.  It was just a frog. 

I tiptoed around it gingerly and in the morning it was gone.  And my taxes were done.

Late Whale Watch

Went for a late whale watch with Sue L. from Alberta, what a a hoot!

Left from Maalaea Harbor this time, just beautiful,

toodled around the gorgeous West Maui Mountains.  Unusually green and fuzzy at this time of year.

Followed a trio of 2 males and a female, discovered a female with an adorable baby -- spent the rest of the time watching mama teaching the baby tricks like slaps and breaches.  Too cute!  Hard to remember the pup is as big as a bus itself ...  Stopped off to see the turtles.  What a great trip.

Topped off with drinks at Buzz's, of course.  Next time, the Ocean Center to visit the rays.

Pacific Whale Foundation

Kihei Nene

Nene in Kihei?  Consequence of the sequester, perhaps? 

The south Maui park hasn't been mown in ages, though the sprinklers still go off automatically -- result, a meadow as high as a Malamute's eye.  So we've been blessed by a visit from the graceful nene [endangered geese] who usually live in Haleakala crater.  Guess they spied the juicy meadow and  saw lots of yummy bugs on the menu.

Blessed, my furry patoot.  These snake-necked vermin started hissing and hooting as soon as they saw us coming and didn't stop yelling till we were out of sight.  Relaxing saunter in the park, I think not.  They can't be too endangered for me.  Mmmmm, goose... 
--- Missy out

Birds!

So here I am minding my own business eating a clandestine muffin and sending humom subliminal messages about taking me out for a walk (=drooling on her feet) when a noise like rusty hinges mating with a recently stabbed cat emanate from the yard. Humom and her sister dash to the window, to be effortlessly shouldered aside by a graceful Malamute. Outside shuffling along is a group of four ugly birds. Three are temptingly plump but otherwise quite nondescript except for the rakish feather crests on their tiny heads. Humom squeals, "peacocks!!"  Huh.  Little does she know that her delight will soon turn to projectiles lobbed at the noisemakers as they wake her up by thunking onto the roof and screeching at all hours of day and night. 

Do I make peacock tartare?  I do not.  I keep to the high road and ignore the stringy old things. If I go off the expensive kibble, how else will humom be motivated to keep the nose to the grindstone?  Let her find SOME purpose in life ... 

--- Missy out

Approaching Wailuku

miles and miles, acres and acres
of sugar cane
tossing in waves on the wind
and sailing across
the big white cruise ships
like Honolulu condos
with smokestacks
plowing through waves
of sugar cane

wonder what the kings espied
from the alanui ke alii
or Iao Valley
sailing across the taro loi
approaching Wailuku?

Attack

of the grooming scissors!

My humom has been chasing after me with a big pair of scissors, creating nasty bald spots on my britches.  What is a Mallie without her lovely fluffy britches??  It hasn't been easy, staying one paw ahead.  The race continues.

These is method to humom's madness.  She is chasing down clumps of nasty, sticky gooey gluey sap from the Norfolk pine in our yard.  How does this get all over my posterior, you ask?  Classic MRM maneuver!  We dig until roots are exposed, and continue digging until some bark is removed.  Some globs of sap unavoidably appear.  When the Mallie settles herself comfortably in the crater, sap transfer occurs.  Humom's reaction on stroking the Mallie and getting her fingers permanently stuck in a disgusting, smelly,  filthy substance is pretty priceless. 

She's tried putting up some rocks as a barrier, filling in my holes, putting down mulch and smelly stuff.  Not that I've stopped my devious ways.  We'll just have to see who's faster ...

--- Missy out

Polipoli

A student told my class her mother believed dinosaurs survived in the mountains.
She must live upcountry.
Descending the coils of Polipoli
Slowly lowering like a stage dea-ex-machina
Not disembodied but out of character, enthoused
Stepping, if one can, from cloud to cloud
In the silence that has always been and always will be, oddly moist,
Constantly shifting, just out of sight
In the distance just a hint of something enormously huge, enormously dark
Perhaps spewing lava? on the horizon
Gradually appearing in the mist
Apparitions
Enormous skeletons of seamonsters
Filigree naked bird-fish, delicate but evocative of flashing muscle
Floating upright, adrift on land --
Or is it land? this fairytale place
Could be another dimension entirely
Were it not for the stones under my feet

Ugly

When I first came to Maui I thought it was ugly. I mean really. "Welcome to our beautiful island. Enjoy the view of the power plant as you enter the city. What you are choking on is burning cane... " The Barbieland perfection of Wailea, the Texas Hill Country aridity of the badlands not in cane or corn -- where was Hawaii? Then I drove upcountry. Blue-blooming trees shading tiny ponies; cattle grazing among prickly pear cacti; a lavender farm with cafe for tourists. Two oceans, islands and that floaty feeling. Everywhere lava rock. At the top of the volcano, observatories to stare at the stars.

Whales Singing at Keawakapu

A Missy-eye view of the best beach on Maui -- best not just because of the sand, the water, the nearby reef, the fishies and honu, all of which you can find all over Maui, but because of the insanely gorgeous view, and the happy vibe! 

Picked on odd time for a swim -- 9:30, just when the sun went behind a chubby black cloud and the wind picked up to the point where "comfortable" turned to "chilly."  Still, the sand was not yet blasting, not above the ankles, and not at a velocity to strip the skin from the bones.  So high time to hit the gently rolling waves! 

My lazy self was rewarded with a bracing swim underwater to the tune of that odd, off-key squealing sounding exactly like someone trying to tune in an old-fashioned AM radio station.  Radio Walfisch.  Humpback Maui, For the Cool Waves.  The whales are back!  Whales, we're back!

Bad Dog

MRMers take note, it is possible to drive one's human insane with minimal effort, even on beautiful Maui.

It helps if humom is not too with-it to begin with.  It also helps to be a service dog! But I anticipate.

Yes, dear friends, we have returned to beautiful Maui, FINALLY.  I had a good flight, sitting on the seat next to humom drooling in the ear of the young muscle-bound gent in the seat on the aisle.  He giggled uncontrollably for much of the flight.  Several stewardesses took my picture.  Yes, we are that old.

Anywoo, on Maui we spent a wonderful month with Auntie Shel at Malmaison, flirting outrageously with Jesse the rattlermute and Tiggrr the oahumute.  Humom had less fun, looking for a place to live, since our old place was not available (humans are too dumb, she should have just marked the property, duhr).  So ANYwoo, she finally got this Craig guy with a list to hook her up with the place we have now -- you can bet I'm marking up a storm ;-)!  Since every single listing within our budget says No Pets -- and few landlords have heard of the law re: service dogs, which means Malamutes, specifically Me -- we got majorly lucky.  Our landlord and housemate likes dogs; a big selling point was that I am Very Well Trained, Never Off Leash and a Good Dog ;-). 

Well, yesterday while landlord was working in the adjacent yard with a lot of artisans, who decided to go for a tear?  A silver streak of Mallie after a cat, that's who!  Humom did the usual idiotic whisper-scream "Missy, come" between clenched teeth while nonchalantly walk-running after me, beet-red in the face.  She tried the "no kitty."  She tried running away from me.  Finally, she stood at the edge of the gully, me long out of sight, following the sounds of all the dogs in yards alerting at my presence in turn, imagining me being set upon by the local huge pit-mastiff mixes that are used to pull down wild boar up the volcano ... half in tears, trying to call, to listen, dignity in shreds -- when whom should she hear breathing quietly behind her but a sweetly smiling, adorable, melting-eyed Mallie that she is simply unable to strangle, much as she'd like to.

Adrenaline!  That's the ticket!  And after a healthful walk of shame past a grinning new landlord and his laughing workers, a juicy treat.

I wish you MRMers the same.

--- Miss Congeniality out

Camping!

Roughing it at my Auntie Shel and Uncle Clay's is really very rough, as you can see.  I have to sleep in a tent -- poor little delicate Malamute me, what with my fur coat and all -- on a King-size bed!!  The thing about this tent is, it's inside the house!  I know, right?

So you and I know it gets cold at night up here in the Maui upcountry -- like MAYBE in the 50s -- and it's totally windy.  Which gives me a fabulously fluffy coat.  And might possibly call for a tent or doghouse on rainy nights, thank you very much, now that I'm never you mind how old.  But a tent in a house?  Naturally, humom informs me that this invention is for the benefit of humans, not of Mallies.  Well, duhr.  It's because sometime geckoes and other little friends tend to leap down from the beams and into the female hair below.  Apparently, there are those among Auntie Shel's guests who object to this.  I would not have thought it.  Excellent entertainment, ladies! 

Anywoo, I'm in the tent for super-wussy ladies without any prospect of reptilian amusement.  From the picture you might suppose that humom will sleep in my crate.  This is not so!  She and I both sleep on the King-size bed.  Oddly enough, this is larger than the Queen-size we have been sleeping on.  I have not succeeding in finding any walls to have a good stretch against.  This is always followed by the most pleasing sound of humom thunking onto the ground.  Perhaps tents are made without any walls for a Malamute to brace herself against.  Clearly a design flaw. 

After such a sluggish night, a Mallie needs to stretch her legs running warp-speed up and down the road just outside the gate.  Too quickly for the camera to capture!!  Then inside for a refreshing snooze.  --- Missy out

Shortest walk ever

Wow. Our evening walk was about this short: front door of hotel -- beach walk -- back. Yet it took as long as our usual meandering stroll. I blame humom, of course. First, she put a red, white and green lei on me. This did not exactly decrease the number of people needing to stop and coo over the "snow dog" and exchange Mele Kalikimakas.

Then, she took me out just before sunset, when every visitor and resident on Oahu hangs out in Waikiki. Everyone and his Boston terrier.

And strangest of all, she was in a very patient mood. She didn't try to march me along, and let everyone pet me who wanted to. Even the sticky kids eating shave ice. Did she let me eat their shave ice? Not so much.

We visited Deena and the circus performers practicing in the park. Handsome Tony the juggler was there and remembered to greet me. I enjoy the jugglers -- tossing balls to themselves. There are a lot of unskilled humans in the parks who toss balls away and expect their dogs to bring them back. They could take lessons in juggling.

Among the onlookers was a family with a young girl in one of those wheelchairs, like the old men in the park hang out in, or the fat lady in the hotel who always smells like cigarette smoke. But this was a super-fancy motorized job. The girl didn't smell like smoke, and looked at me, so I moseyed on over to say hi. The mom and other kids gushed over me, of course, and the mom moved the girl's hand to approximate petting me. I rested my head in her lap so she could feel the weight on her legs and she grinned from ear to ear. For some reason, I felt happy. Weird.

On the way home we met a couple of kids in a "stroller" -- stupid name, the kids are specifically NOT strolling, but sitting down. The little sister had her leg in a cast, a most unusual aroma -- quite musty and unwashed, with bits of food and some plaster and Vetrap. Humom didn't let me get a good lick in. I did get some good snootfuls, causing the mom to coo how sweet that the doggie was trying to heal her little girl. Whatever.

--- Merry Christmas, Missy out

Our Marathon

Thanks, Jerry, for the img. We had a great Honolulu Marathon. For the first time on Oahu, we got to wake up naturally -- no screech, crash or howl of dumpster trucks, no construction hammering and roaring ... just silence! A blissful foretaste of mornings on Maui, I hope.

Rhoda and I took beach stuff in her convertible and zoomed up to the North Shore, stopping in cute Haleiwa. We watched some excellent surfing at Banzai Pipeline -- Kauai's Sea Bass triple crown champion -- and had decent Mexican food at Chollo's.

On our return, I had a call from Visa that my credit card was being used fraudulently. Dealt with that for a couple of days, then realized that my car was gone. Urk. That's where my card had been. While Rhoda and I were on the shore, someone was busy stealing my car and racking up charges. Nice.

It took Missy several days to recover from all the spandex-clad hugs, kisses and squeals of So Cuuuuute! after the marathon. The neon sneakers are a bit hard to take, but do wake us up in the morning. It'll be nice to get back to regular, casual runners on our morning walks -- it's been weird being invisible to the hard-core runners who are so into their iPods, their pulse or whatever that they don't notice they're about to crash into a Malamute or a substantial redhead.

Into the Vog ...

We are seriously vogged in today -- the ships are all ghosts, and the waves roll in out of yellowish soup. Missy snarked at Leo, her Golden buddy, this morning. Where are the Trade winds when we need them?

I had my buds at The Bench on the beach walk hold Missy for me so I could take pictures. They thought it was hilarious that, when I called her name, she would woooooo. Well duh. She's a Mallie, not a dachshund. As usual, the Mallie photo shoot attracted quite the crowd, with the Miss hamming it up and the guys insisting that she's a wolf/werewolf and posing her with her butt to the camera. The current Twilight movie is not doing much for the Mallie's reputation -- to the consternation of Oahu's youth, she consistently fails to transform into a handsome young man ...

Irma

Monk seals -- humom thinks they're soooooo cuuute. Urgh. I'd like to take a nibble, but humom is strongly opposed.

So is NOAA and the Marine Mammal response team: 1-888-256-9840

Today we walked past the Natatorium and Aquarium, and were somewhat taken aback to see some police cruisers and cops at Sushi Beach. They quickly left without doing a thing, and voila! a chubby, very large banana-slug-shaped creature smelling of fish reclining on the beach, surrounded by a large crowd cooing a chorus of "aaaw." I'm familiar.

My Uncle Steve was there telling telling the hupeople what a monk seal is and why they couldn't go up and cuddle with her. He also petted us people and mentioned to us that we could go up and chew on her because she would bite us too, which was considerate.

My humom lent Steve her phone to call the Seal Response Team, who needed to drop off their kids at school but would then come by and cordon off the area. We've never seen monk seals on Maui without cordons and posters, so I was thrown off at first. Uncle Steve, humom and I stayed for a while to protect the seal -- Irma -- but then humom had to leave to get ready for work. We were happy to see on our evening walk that Irma was still there, sleeping on her back with her whiskers in the air. I had a good chat with the GSD seal guard dog (he doesn't know how she tastes either, lame).

--- Missy out

Our tsunami

Earthquake in the Queen Charlotte islands! I don't know where that is, but humom was worried -- she loves her tattooist, Bart Willis, and the wonderful Haida people he works with and hopes everyone is okay. All these rocks in the middle of the water seem awfully precarious to me -- and am I right? hmm? Here we are in Hawaii and what is that? It's a bunch of islands and whenever we want to go anywhere I have to get squashed into a crate and stuck on a plane. Is that a system? I ask you.

Anyway, over there in Canada, where you would they they'd know better, they go and have an earthquake, and that means we're going to have a big wave here. Small rock in the middle of the ocean + big wave = not good news for the Mallie girl who likes to keep her feet and fur dry. Apparently many people agree, since immediately all the roads turn into parking lots, more so than usual. We live on the 5th floor so we "evacuate in place." In other words, humom goes up to the roof to watch the mayhem, which consists of some news people and fools messing around on the beach walk.

We watch some TV -- reports of accidents on the roads and all the stores selling out of toilet paper (eh?) -- and a conspicuous absence of big waves. Then everyone gets together to exchange war stories about The Tsunami That Wasn't. Your first clue not to panic: We animals slept soundly, unlike when there's an earthquake or a real tsunami. We'll let you know.

To those hupersons who thought it would be a good idea to tie up your dogs in the yard and lock your cats in the house in the flood zone while you drive up to party on the high ground, think about it for just one second.

--- Missy out

Early walk

Early morning walk -- the clouds in the Ko'olau range valleys smoldering red, glowing pink behind Diamond Head. The early surfers are already out hungry for the better waves, but the beach is blessedly empty. Here and there cocoons of homeless lie anonymous under a tree or behind a bush. Missy and I scoot along, past the Aquarium and the odd egg-shaped ornaments out front. We pause to admire the old Natatorium, a fine classical swimming theater, sadly dilapidated. A great old Hawaii landmark, echoing with the cheers of those privileged to watch our greatest swimmers, and with the soft swooshes of their sleek bodies slicing through the water. Now the water is still and algal within the crumbling walls.

HoyHoy

My humom has declared war on the six-legged bugs overrunning our hotel room. I don't care about them myself, as long as they leave me and my food alone. They don't taste good and are too small to bother eating anyway.

Humom doesn't scream or jump around or do anything truly amusing when she sees these bugs. Usually she just says, "Oh for heaven's sake," which ranks alongside a pretty typical response to a student essay. The last really impressive screaming and jumping around she did was on Maui when she found a massive centipede under the sheet. Hawai'i centipedes are like scorpions with double stingers and a LOT of legs.

Here the bugs are small but numerous. She's put out a bunch of black boxes called HoyHoy. I watched her put them together and she wouldn't let me help, even though they smelled interesting. When she came home from school today and had to extricate my paw from one, I thought it was mean of her to gloat "caught a Malaroach" ...

-- Missy out

Best Buy

What Hawaii does supremely well is rainbows. Where else would I find myself standing in the parking lot of the Best Buy staring up at the mountain range mauka, gobsmacked by the beauty of the sky? The mountains ewa are softened by huge black clouds that segue into rain; to the east the green ridges glow before bright white cumulus in peacock blue sky. The evening's rainbow arcs high and thin, in soft pastel shades, embracing land and sea in a gentle baroque accord.

This morning's rainbow was much more Sturm und Drang - a jagged neon rocket thrust from the ocean into the clouds, wide and commanding, a deafening fanfare of colors.

Eye Level

Typical sights on a Waikiki sidewalk:

Knees
Bicycle wheels
A surfboard
A surfboard attached to a bicycle
A little child running straight at me squealing
Cameras pointed at me
Phones pointed at me (sorry, I don't talk on the phone, haha)
Hands
Hands containing coffee cups (yum if with milk)
Hands containing food (yum)
Hands containing various items (worth exploring)
Butts (also worth exploring)
Crotches (ditto)
Other canine people
Various stationary items of interest - trees, poles, rubbish bins, hotels, etc.

Today's walk featured items in motion:

A bicycle loaded up with many colors of yoga mats
A crate dolly without the crate
Another crate dolly with a wobbly wheel
A lawn mower riding around lazily in circles
An old lady on a scooter riding around lazily in circles
An elongated golf-cart with bags from the rubbish bins
Ana from the Zoo grounds and his little wagon with plumeria leaves
A poi dog with one eye and an attitude
A guy from the mainland running up missing his Sibes
A group of Asian ladies doing yoga, led by a blond haole boy
Volleyball players wearing practically nothing and jumping around like puppies
A big bus screeching brakes to let the Mallie cross the road to the hotel, which is still there.

--- Missy out